The Loved Ones (2009)

Lola Stone has a crush on emo-rocker-with-serious-mental-issues Brent, and gets up the nerve to ask him to prom.  Brent respectfully declines, as he already has a girlfriend. Speaking of which, we get to see the two of them humping in a car soon after, but someone is peeping on them. Guess who?  Later that day Brent takes a walk after fighting with his mom about Brent’s father’s accidental death; as he is sitting on a hill, someone approaches from behind, chloroforms the shit out of him and drags him off.

He awakens bound to a chair, with Lola and her father looking intently on him.  After Lola injects Drain-O into his neck to keep him from talking, their own personal prom begins.  True love is hard to find for Lola, and a macabre scrapbook she shows to Brent proves it.  You see, he isn’t her first date, and if he doesn’t start to appreciate her, he is in for some trouble. Sadly it turns out that he isn’t ‘the one’, and it’s time to go bye-bye.  For this sick family that means drilling a hole in your forehead and filling your skull with boiling water to turn you into a brain-dead freak.  He is bound for the pit under their living room to live with her other failed relationships unless he can escape.

Alex’s Thoughts: While this concept has been done before, I’ve never liked it more.  This is sort of a weird mix between Saw, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Decent & American Pie… if you could somehow picture that.  I know in a movie like this you are supposed to cheer for the kid in trouble, but I found that I liked Lola’s character more, hopefully that doesn’t say something about me.  She was just the right amount of crazy, and her dad was crazy in his own right due to the fact that he was just so quiet and was willing to do anything to make his daughter happy. It’s a light-hearted horror movie with a few laughs here and there, but it doesn’t skimp on the story or the gore.  Alex Rates This Movie 9/10 

Tim’s Thoughts:I was pleased to have a horror movie keep me interested for the entire time, and as an added bonus, no character in this is so annoying that it ruins the rest of the film. If anything it leaves many questions unanswered, but sometimes that’s better. Often the explanations we get are not the ones we want, and rarely satisfy. To make this movie even more intense, as I was watching it, my dvd player for some reason had the scenes on shuffle (I didn’t even know it could do that) and I was really confused about what was happening. It nearly gave me a completely different movie, because in the middle it jumped back to the beginning, and I thought it was a time warp thing showing alternate possibilities. While I would like a few more answers, or really just one, this is a really strong horror movie with tons of gore and suspense, yes it’s nothing new, or too shocking, it seems to have just the right combination of the latter to make this a lot of fun. Tim Rates This Movie 8/10

View the IMDB entry for this movie here, or add it to your netflix queue.