Saturday the 14th (1981)

A family has inherited an old spooky house, just as a vampire couple was all set to buy it from a realtor.  The vampires don’t want the house as much as they want an old book that is somewhere inside.  The book is said to release evil upon the world on the next Saturday the 14th once opened.  Although the vampires don’t get the book, the young boy of the family does; and as he flips through the pages, each picture of a different monster disappears. Where could they have gone?  You knows them shits are now in the house! Strange things start to happen, and the monsters begin to terrorize the kids, with the parents thinking that are just being foolish and miss their old home.  After discovering a swarm of bats in the attic, they call an exterminator.  Who should work for the extermination company other that famed monster hunter Van Helsing! He finds out about the evil book and on the eve of Saturday the 14th the family is having a party,  the monsters decide to show up and get down too.  It turns out Van Helsing is a monster as well and although he makes a play for the book for his own evil intentions, he and the other monsters get sucked back in.

Alex’s Thoughts: I remember watching this as a kid and even then I was thinking it was odd. Twenty-five years later? Still strange as hell.  While it is obviously a comedy there are some scary parts for kids and just some parts , like all of the monsters eating at the dining room table, where you are just like ‘what the hell is this’?  There other parts where you’re just uncomfortable as hell, due to some obvious under-age nudity.  I can’t figure out the target audience is, but I don’t think it’s me.  The only thing I really like about it is Jeffery Tambor as the vampire, other than that it is just too strange.  Alex Rates This Movie 3/10

Tim’s Thoughts: I couldn’t remember if I had seen this before, turns out I may never know, because if I had, I completely blocked it out of my memory. This is not just terrible, to quote Sir Charles Barkley, “It’s Turrible!” Bad, bad, bad, and incoherent to boot. Skip this unless you are getting drunk with our friends and want to see a bad movie with no swearing, little gore, and only the slightest tease of nudity. Tim Rates This Movie 2/10

“Selling the house now would be like closing the barn door after the horses eat your children.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here, or add it to your Netflix queue

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