So The Expendables 2 comes out in theatres soon, August 17th to be exact.  I couldn’t help think about that great cast of action stars, and how much fun I had watching their movies, both good and not so much, as a kid/teen in the 80’s and 90’s.  While the majority of those guys haven’t done much in the last decade, due to political obligations or senility, it just brings back such great memories of those late nights when my friends and I would crowd in front of our VHS collections and argue about if The Terminator would win in a fight against Dutch from Predator.. and about action movies in general.  I feel bad for those guys in their early twenties and those poor bastard teens of today who might not know what a real action movie is.  All they get is some poorly written crap, full of CGI with some WWE or MMA asshat, and while said asshat could crush my skull with their biceps, they are totally interchangeable with no acting talent and their movies will be quickly forgotten. Sorry 17 year-old kid, but Channing Tatum can’t hold a candle to Stallone.  Gurald Butler? Insert a random Chuck Norris joke here about Butler getting his ass kicked. And Jason Statham… I love you man, and I know you are in this flick, but you don’t have to do every movie role they offer you.  Almost every movie you are in is the same: some poor defenseless person is in trouble… strange hero to the rescue.  You must be in some Nic Cage-like tax trouble!  Hit me up, we can find you a credit counsellor; you’re not in this alone, I can help, mate.  Who else? Matt Damon in the Bourne movies? He kicked a lot of ass, but no one in real life would ever be scared of Matt Damon; sorry buddy, you are about as intimidating as Chef Boyardee.

So, being the helpful movie fan that I am, I’m going to list a few movies from the stars of The Expendables 2 for you hapless souls out there, so maybe you can appreciate some real action movies from my past. These movie are in no way all of the best ones, just ones I think most guys would like, and are just my opinions. If you think Taylor Lautner is a big action star, that’s fine; now go feel free to play in traffic. –

Sylvester StalloneI love: Rambo First Blood Part 2, I like: Tango & Cash, I forgive you forJudge Dredd

Bruce Willis – I love: Die Hard, I like: The Last Boyscout, I forgive you for: Armageddon

Dolph Lundgren – I love: Rocky IV, I like: Universal Soldiers, I forgive you for: Masters of the Universe

Chuck Norris – I love: Delta Force, I like: Missing in Action, I forgive you for: Those Total Gym infomercials

Jean-Claude Van Damme – I love: Bloodsport/ JCVD, I like: Kickboxer, I forgive you for: Street Fighter (just barely)


Arnold SchwarzeneggerI love: Commando, I like: True Lies, I forgive you forEraser

Good times. Good Times.  Hopefully Hollywood can get back into making memorable action movies, that don’t involve super heroes or monsters, in the future. It seems like it’s a lost art, but at least I have the movies from my childhood that, to me, have stood the test of time. – Alex