The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence (2011)

Our main character is a huge fan of the movie The Human Centipede, he watches it non-stop.  He also is about the ugliest human being you’re likely to ever see; like if Danny DeVito and Sloth from the Goonies had a baby.  There is also a slight chance that he is mentally retarded, but a 100% chance that he is bat-shit crazy.  Did we mention that he loves that movie?  That he loves it so much he masturbates to it?  Masturbates to it using sandpaper… until his dong bleeds?  Just making sure you realize he’s crazy.  His goal in life is to duplicate the experiment in the movie, but instead of 3 people sharing a digestive track, it’s going to be 12 people.  That is going to take a lot of food/poop to keep that thing running smooth.  I’m sure he’s though about that, since he’s a prestigious surgeon.  Wait, what?  He’s just a parking lot attendant?  Oh shit, those people are screwed!

His job allows him to find his victims easily, and he ends up shooting most of them before clocking them over the head with a crowbar, and sticking him in the back of his creepy van.  Not sure how a garage covered in blood and with all of the missing person’s cars doesn’t attract more attention, but who are we to judge the law enforcement community of this town.  Every day he transports his prey to a filthy warehouse, where they are bound up and left to wait until he completes his collection.  One of the victims hears a voicemail message from an agent of one of the stars of the first movie and puts two and two together and realizes what this wacko plans to do, and that his diet is about to get real shitty.

After shooting a few more people and wielding that crowbar like he’s Braveheart, he finally has his group assembled.  All of these poor fools were over-powered by a fat, asthmatic midget who looks like he would lose in a fight against a bowl of soup; so maybe they deserve what’s about to happen to them.  He preps for surgery, and by that we mean he pulls out a bunch of steak knives he brought from home as well as a staple gun, before administering a general anesthetic; which consists of another smack of the crowbar across the forehead.

Despite losing a few patients along the way, the surgery is a success, with everyone having been joined ass to mouth.  Now it’s time to take this puppy for a test drive.  The process of them sharing a digestive track isn’t going as smooth as he would have hoped. No one is pooping. Why aren’t they pooping into each others mouths?  Maybe if I inject them with elephant grade laxitive?  Boom! Now this thing is running like a well-oiled pooping machine, except there are some loose seals here and there so there is a bit of leaking at some spots.  It just gets stranger and more disgusting from here on, as if what we told you already wasn’t bad enough.

Alex’s Thoughts:  I don’t even know where to begin.  This thing is extremely disturbing and really hard to watch in spots, and I wouldn’t consider it to be a good movie, or even watchable by 85% of the general population.  It has some good parts unrelated to the centipede, such as his mom trying to kill him in his sleep, as she stabs a lump in his bed a dozen times before he comes waddling out of the bathroom, and they both go on as if nothing happened.  So there are some subtle humorous parts like that, but mostly it’s just gross.  Despite everything that happened on-screen the most disturbing thing I saw was a behind the scene clip about the fake butts they used (so someone’s rump wasn’t in direct contact with your face for 8 hours a day), which had a pacifier sticking out of the butthole for people to bite on to keep them connected.   I guess you could watch it with a group of friends to make fun of the guy, which is easy; but I can’t in good conscience recommend that anyone actually watch it.  The first movie was just sort of strange, but this thing is over the top disturbing. Alex Rates This Movie 4/10

 Tim’s Thoughts: I don’t even want to give this movie a single minute of my time, but here it goes. When someone tries to shock you for no other reason than to be shocking it usually comes off as annoying, and pointless, BINGO! That sums up this entire movie, gross to be gross, and at the same time I kept thinking about how lazy and self indulgent the film maker is, you see almost as much as the first movie as you do the sequel. He is so impressed with himself that he makes a movie about a killer that copycats his first film.  I feel like talking about this movie is like paying attention to a spoiled 3 year old that keeps knocking things over to get you to look at him. I will say the acting is fine, but the premise is tired,, and the gross outs are just that, and in no way interesting. Don’t waste your time, it’s not even funny or campy, it’s just lazy and riding on it’s over hyped reputation….wait, it’s just like the first one.Tim Rates This Movie 0/10

“It’s just a film man! You can’t stitch us ass-to-mouth!  You can’t stitch us… ass…to…mouth.

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue