Dead & Breakfast (2004) Requested by Jon Kulczar

A group of friends are on their way to a wedding when they realize that they are lost as shit.  They stop at a bed and breakfast for the night to get some sleep (nevermind that there are traveling in a huge RV, apparently they overlooked the fact that their vehicle has beds already fucking built into it).  The inn is run by David Carradine (who only agreed to do the part if he could auto-erotically asphixiate himself on-set) and his French chef  Diedrich Bader, who have a combined screen time of about 3 minutes.  The group wakes up in the middle of the night to find the chef murdered and the innkeeper having a heart attack.  They call the local yokel cops who want to pin the murder on them, but find a drifter lurking about the scene and decide he probably killed the chef.  As they cannot leave town, since they are witnesses, they bum around a bit; as one of the guys stays behind and accidentally opens an ancient box filled will an evil dead fetus’ soul.  Yeah, that’s right.  The guy is possessed and begins killing the town folk and putting pieces of them back in the box, which in-turn makes them possessed.  It is up to the few survivors and this drifter/warlock to stop this plague from spreading.

Alex’s Thoughts: Fuck. Me. Sideways. This was a piece of shit.  I appreciate the fact that they wanted to do something fun as a nod to great splatter films, and didn’t have a huge budget, but it just didn’t work for me.  A few of the gore effects were decent, but if you need to resort to showing important effects crucial to the story via a crude drawing, your production has issues.  The acting was awful and the musical interludes were even worse.  I literally just watched this, and I can’t remember that much about it… that is how awesome this movie is – that my brain doesn’t want me to recollect what I just saw for fear of me punching myself in the balls.  Someone does use a severed head as a puppet, so it has that going for it, I guess.  Alex Rates This Movie 2/10

Tim’s Thoughts: I am still trying to figure out who killed the chef….this movie would benefit from one or two likable characters, but we are denied even that. Unlike Alex, I thought the musical interludes were kinda funny, but this movie was made in ’04 and looks like it was shot in ’94.  This might’ve been okay in a room full of friends and a bunch of beer, but alas, I watched this alone. Sorry Jon, but I have to agree with my other half here and say that this is a wasted effort, good idea, but a wasted effort. Too many holes, too inconsistent, and nobody to pull for. Tim Rates This Movie 2/10

 “Had I known it was going to feel this good to bash your brains in I would have done it a long time ago.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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