Creepshow (1982)

This is an anthology similar to Twilight Zone: The Movie (but not nearly as good), where five short stories make up the movie.  We will break them down one at a time:

Father’s Day – An uppity family gathers for a dinner on Father’s Day, and talk about the death of the family patriarch why they wait for Drunk Aunt Bedelia.  She visits her father’s grave every year on Father’s Day, but this year it’s different.  Is she not drunk of her ass this year? No.  Is she not smoking a huge cigar this year? No.  Is she not remembering how she killed her father by bashing his brains in this year? No.  Is her father not rising from the grave to kill everyone in the family this year? No.. awww shit, YES.  Daddy just wants his Father’s Day cake!

The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill – Jordy (Steven King) is a hilljack just enjoying country life, when a meteor crashes in his front yard.  He does what any bumpkin would do to something that has flown through space and our atmosphere, he touches it.  And guess what?  It’s fucking hot!  He throws some water on it, and it splits open and release some blue goo out, but he is only concerned about all the money he is going to make when he sells it.  A short time later he notices that his fingers have started to turn green where he touched it, and soon after that plants begin to sprout from his fingers, slowly engulfing his entire house and the countryside.  Being a plant-man isn’t high on Jordy’s things to do list so he eats a bullet as the town is overcome by plant-life.  This story probably has some sort of deep message, but all we get out of it is “don’t fuck with things from outer space”.

Something To Tide You Over – Harry (Ted Danson) has been a bad boy. He’s been sleeping with another man’s wife.  One morning Richard (Leslie Neilsen), that ‘other man’, comes over to pay Harry a little visit.  Richard says that if Harry doesn’t come with him and do as he says he is going to kill the adulterous slut.  They drive out to Richard’s beach house where he proceeds to bury Harry up to his neck in sand.  He then brings out a tv and shows him that his wife is in the same shitty predicament.  As the tide rolls in, they both drown and Richard watches on monitors from his house.  He comes out later to find the bodies dragged out by the tide.  There is no way they became nasty bloated corpsey ghosts and are going to kill him the same way right?

The Crate – A janitor finds a crate under a stairwell while cleaning at the local university.  It is chained shut and looks to have been there for a hundred years.  He calls Dr. Stanley, one of the professors to come and take a look at it.  Of course this is in the middle of the night… we would have told that fat bastard to let us go back to sleep; that shit has been there a hundred years, it can wait 5 more hours so we can get some fuckin’ shut-eye.  Anyway they open up the crate and there is a shitty mask and some gloves in there that is supposed to be some kind of monster.  It attacks the janitor and another student and pulls them into the crate. It is implied that the creature is huge, and it pulls a normal size guy into the crate with him.  The only problem is that the crate is the size of a nightstand and wouldn’t hold an eight year old.  So apparently this crate is some sort of TARDIS or something.  Anyway… the doctor craps himself and goes to a friend’s house to ask for help. They clean up the bloody mess at the college, then he feeds his drunk bitch of a  wife to the monster before locking the crate back up and chucking it into a lake.

They’re Creeping Up On You – A crotchety old bugger named Upson Pratt is up late one night working.  The guy is a germaphobe and lives in a sterile room.  He is pissed because he sees a bug and starts bitching at whomever he can.  He receives a call from a woman whose husband just committed suicide because Pratt bought out his business.  She tells him she hopes he dies in the worst way he can imagine.  Well… this is her lucky day.  More and more bugs begin to creep into the apartment and are coming out of every hole around.  He retreats into his oxygen chamber of a bed room where all is well, except for the bed is made of bugs.  He is buried in a tidal wave of cockroaches and they eat him alive from the inside out.

Alex’s Thoughts:  While I didn’t think any of the stories were anything special, I did enjoy some of the acting.  Seeing Leslie Neilsen as a villain, and Steven King as an idiot were a couple of surprises.  The stories were short enough that even if they were bad, they went long, so it wasn’t a big deal.  If you’re a fan of short stories you might want to give this a look-see.   Alex Rates This Movie 6/10

Tim’s Thoughts: I LOVE CREEPSHOW!!  Yeah it shows its age, but I love the storytelling, and the short story format keeps the movie moving. Keep an eye out for a really young (and bad dancing) Ed Harris, the kid in the opening is King’s son, who is now a successful writer. While some may not like it by today’s standards, it is quality story telling, and good plain fun. Watch this and keep in mind that Romero’s tongue is firmly planted in his cheek and enjoy! (Yes, I also own the comic) I GOT MY CAKE!!!!    Tim Rates This Movie 9/10

“That’s a meteor. I’ll be dipped in shit if that ain’t a meteor!”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue