Mega Python vs Gatoroid (2011)

Things are amiss in the Everglades as the parks department has been feeding steroid infused chickens to the local wildlife.  This has caused the local gator and python (?) population to grow to extreme sizes, Hulking out and growing before your very eyes in the best computer generated effects the Syfy channel can afford, which apparently is very much.  Things get out of control quickly as the animals keep growing and keep killing.  It is up to park ranger Tiffany and eco-hippie Debbie Gibson to save the world… God help us.  The two don’t get along that well, as shown in the 15 minute fight they have over, on and around a rather large buffet spread;  and for some reason the end up wrestling in the water.  I’m sure lots of teenage boys had this fantasy in 1986, but unfortunately it is 2011 and Debbie Gibson is no longer attractive and Tiffany is covered is cheap looking prison tattoos and looks like she could win a Winona Judd look-a-like contest.  They go on to lure the giant beasts back to a rock quarry and blow it up but die in the process, though there still seems to be some huge reptiles here and there.  Here’s hoping there is a sequel starring Coolio and Scott Baio in our near future.

Alex’s Thoughts:  I think it says something about me that I am willing to watch shit like this for you people.  Someone needs to bake me a goddamn cake and give me the key to the city pronto!  This “movie” is awful. Just. Awful.  I do not have anything positive to say about it – acting was awful, effects would have looked bad in 1999 and there was just so many parts of this movie that made no sense and didn’t need to be there.  I guess Syfy just needed to fill some time, but and hour and a haf of this shit is just too much.  Yeah Syfy we get it, putting D-list actors we all thought were dead in movies involving overgrown animals is a funny concept, but the results are awful.  Stop it before we are reviewing Extremely Obese Chinchilla vs Pituitary Gland Disorder Gecko IV.   Alex Rates This Movie 1/10

Tim’s Thoughts: As a fan of Ed Wood movies, and MST3K, I feel like I have a right to shit on this one, man is it bad. The effects are so bad, I just kept thinking “Why Bother?”  And holy crap it has world-renowned asshole Micky Dolenz, playing himself, and from what I’ve heard he did it perfectly. Blah, blah, blah, bad acting, blah, blah, bad effects, blah, blah, no plot, blah blah you have heard this shit before…..I hate this, and all of its kin with a passion. Funny in theory, and explosive diarrhea in execution. Tim Rates This Movie 0/10

“How dare you! You crazy, cold-blooded, snake-loving bitch!”

 

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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