The Last Lovecraft: Relic of Cthulhu (review requested by Julia)

Release Date: 11/3/2009 – Rated R

Starring: Kyle Davis (Friday the 13th remake)

Plot Summary: As the last living descendant of H.P. Lovecraft, Jeff has been tasked to save the world by the Council of Cthulhu. A boring life and a crappy graphic artist job are all Jeff has to look forward to everyday when he wakes up, but now he must protect one of the two relics, that when united will release Cthulhu to destroy the Earth.  It seems that the stories Lovecraft wrote were not fiction, but a history of the world, and only his descendant can keep the relic out of the hands of evil.  It is up to Jeff, his co-worker Charlie and a Lovecraft-nerd they used to beat up in high school to save the world.

Alex’s Thoughts: I’ll start off by saying that I am not a fan of H.P. Lovecraft’s writing, nor am I a fan of this movie.  This thing was all kinds of dumb and boring, and it wasn’t just because I didn’t like the story; this movie could have been about something I love, like Little Debbie Zebra Cakes or ham, and I still wouldn’t have liked it.  The delivery from the main actor was dry and emotionless… this guy was L’il Kev on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia playing a retarded guy, but seemed even more retarded in this movie.  Some of the costumes were alright, but crap acting and a horrible story can’t make up for good visuals; ask anyone who has seen Avatar.  The lone moment of watchability comes from a cameo from the guy who plays Roman on Party Down .  If you’ve never seen an episode of Party Down stop reading this right now, watch both season back-to-back then come back and finish.  You back?  That is one of the greatest shows ever, huh?  What were we talking about?  Oh yeah, this movie blows.

Tim’s Thoughts: I’ll start off by saying that I am a HUGE Lovecraft fan, and have read almost everything he’s done, and watched most of the movies bastardizing his work, and while it has some funny moments, it’s pretty awful. I am always yammering on about if the effect is going to look like shit, then don’t do it, this movie is one that blatantly ignores this, and makes little effort while doing so. This is a movie where the characters are so watered down, that I was kinda hoping Cthulhu would rise and just end this sham. I did laugh a few times at a few parts, but overall I say skip it.

Final Thoughts: The man pictured below is the only one who is even kinda funny, and he’s not really a main character, so if you do watch this, fast forward till you see his bearded mug, and scam a few laughs, ’cause that’s all you’re gonna get out of this thing. Pass.

Alex Rates This Movie 2/10

Tim Rates This Movie 4/10

“Have you ever been fish raped?… It’s an experience you’re not likely to forget.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue