Frankenhooker

Release Date: 6/1/1990 – Rated R

Plot Summary: Former medical student and current electrician Jeffery and his fiance Elizabeth are so in love and can’t wait to get married. Unfortunately tragedy strikes while at a party in the form of a huge radio controlled lawn mower, and Elizabeth is killed and hacked into ground round.  The cops can’t find certain pieces of her and are unsure as to where they might have gone, but Jeffery knows… he’s got them out in the garage in a huge vat of purple goo.  He and the body parts have a nice date at home when he tells her head that he will bring her back to life, as soon as he can find the perfect parts for her.  And where else would you find those parts other than the wrong side of the tracks in the appendages of street walkers.  After telling one of the whores that he is having a party and needs a lot of girls, she takes him to her pimp, Zorro (who just may very well be the worst actor ever).  Jeffery and the whore-wrangler agree on a time and place, but before he leaves he notices that the hookers go crazy over this stuff called crack, and he comes up with a plan.  When he gets home he invents a form of ‘super crack’ that when smoked causes the person to explode.

The next night he meets these skanks at a crappy hotel and goes on to examine them all, looking for the perfect body for his Elizabeth.  The problem is that there are good parts on each one, but not one has everything he’s looking for.  He goes to leave but the hookers find his bag of crack and go fucking bat shit crazy as only a group of crack whores who find a huge fucking bag of crack can go.  It isn’t long before they start exploding and body parts are flying all over the room.  Jeffery gathers up all the bits and pieces and promises to put them all back together again.  Zorro comes in shortly after and loses his shit, as his entire stable has been reduced to spare parts.  How is he going to afford all of those gold chains now?  Jeffery goes back to his garage and does a little sewing, and with the help of some lightening brings Elizabeth back to life: the only problem is that now she thinks she is a hooker, and goes back out on the street to make some cash.  Jeffery finds his whore, but not before Zorro shows up and knocks her block off.  Jeffery takes her home and fixes her, and now she remembers who she is and they are ready to start their new life together, but Zorro shows up and cuts Jeff’s head off, but then Zorro is quickly killed by the collection of spare slut parts that were brought back to life the same time as Elizabeth.  Jeffery awakens to find himself alive; Elizabeth used his notes to duplicate the process, but his head is attached to a hooker’s body. Nooooooooo!

Alex’s Thoughts:  I have always liked this movie, even from before I saw it, and just heard someone talk about it.  How could you not?  The effects are pretty bad, as is the acting, but you can’t help but love this thing. It is so outlandish and fun and knows exactly what it is, and doesn’t try to be anything other than that.

Tim’s Thoughts: This movie is stupid, ridiculous, over the top, and cheesy as hell, but it’s so damn funny that it all works. At times is feels as mishmashed as his reconstructed fiance, but I don’t care. It’s too stupid to be a real movie, but somehow it is, and if you are so inclined you should check it out. Plus it has Super-Crack, and we all know Super-Crack is the shit!

Final Thoughts: We love this movie as much as those tramps love their crack. If you like crazy horror movies, then you must see this. Very tongue in cheek, but pretty fun overall. Also after you’ve seen it, you will sound cool/crazy when you try to describe this movie to your friends.

Alex Rates This Movie 8/10

Tim Rates This Movie 8/10

“Medical schools upset me, mother – I’m anti-social – I’m becoming dangerously amoral.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here

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