Bad Biology

Release Date: 1/26/2010 (DVD) – Unrated

Plot Summary:  Jennifer is either a special girl or a freak depending on which former lover you ask.  You see, Jennifer was born with deformed genitalia, resulting in her having seven clitorises; which leaves her always sexually aroused, but never sexually satisfied.  Almost nightly she picks up a guy and goes back to his place, where they have violent sex that often leaves the guy dead.  If that wasn’t bad enough, each time she has sex, Jennifer gives birth to a horrible ‘freak baby’ as she calls it, just two hours later.  She ends up just leaving the baby with the dead guy or throws it away, because she says they aren’t real babies, as those take nine months to grow, not two hours.

We now meet a young man named Batz, who also has a few issues.  When he was born the doctor accidentally cut off his penis instead of cutting the umbilical cord.  They fixed it right away, but it never quite worked right from then on.  When Batz was a teenager he began injecting his wiener with steroids and growth hormones in hopes of achieving an erection.  This worked for a while, but it also caused his donger to grow at en exponential rate, making Dirk Diggler look like an Asian toddler.  As the steroids were no longer strong enough, Bats had to then switch to stronger and stronger medication; which in-turn lead to his penis becoming self-aware with a mind of its own.

After meeting Batz at a photo shoot in his home, Jennifer targets him as her next prey/baby daddy.  She steals his keys and comes back the next night with lust on the brain, only to find that Batz has brought a hooker home, as the industrial machinery he uses to masturbate is no longer keeping his schlong in check.  He proceeds to get some of that strange, but it causes the hooker to have a 45 minutes orgasm before he has to carry her out into the alley and leave her there.  Jennifer sees all of this, and that is just what she is looking for in her man.  She comes back the next night, but as she confronts Batz about wanting him to do the same thing to her, Batz tells her that now that his penis has a taste for poon, it has escaped and is no doubt getting its rape on throughout the city.  After a montage of the penis breaking thru walls and floorboards and getting busy with girls that are randomly sitting around their house naked, it comes home to rest.  Jennifer finds it, but it’s so exhausted, it’s on the verge of death.  After giving it CPR and mouth to dong resuscitation (not as sexy as you might think), she then injects it with hormones she finds laying around Batz’s house.  In her frenzy to get busy with it, she overdoses it and this kills Batz for some reason.  But before the penis dies it gives Jennifer what she wants… it gives her what she wants until it kills her.  Our fine family film ends with Jennifer giving birth to a horrible CGI crying penis with legs… and scene.   

Alex’s Thoughts:  I wasn’t sure what to think going into this one.  The summary I read for this was so far-fetched, I knew I had to see it.  I have seen some other films from this director, so I knew it was going to be bat-shit-crazy, but fun at the same time; and that’s just what it was.  I am embarrassed to admit that I thought this was pretty entertaining.  It is in no way a good movie; the acting and dialog in some spots is atrocious, as the actors were probably picked from random sluts who were willing to get naked for scale wages and a day of craft service’s lunch.  I’m not 100% sure why I like it.  It’s just crazy for crazy’s sake.  I am also ashamed to admit that this is not the first disembodied killer penis movie I’ve seen this month.  I recently watched a flick called One Eyed Monster which stars Ron Jeremy and is borderline soft-core porn as is a movie I saw last year called Pervert, both having a penis with sexing and killing in mind.  I think I might need some sort of therapy or medication, this many killer dick movies can’t be good for me.

Tim’s Thoughts: This is watchable, but gross, and uncomfortable pretty consistently. If the acting was even remotely good, then I think this movie could be rated as high as an 8, but alas, the acting in this movie is so awful you can practically follow their eyes reading cue cards just to the side of the camera. I don’t think you can actually see this, but I wouldn’t be surprised. At times it also gets a bit preachy when it comes to the lady dropping her babies in trash cans, cars, etc…. and again, if the acting was even “Ok” I could forgive it. I say skip this and go watch Basket Case, or Frankenhooker, both are way funnier, have better acting and I think are just better movies.

Final Thoughts:  You can’t expect much from a movie who’s opening credits are 4 minutes long and where almost every person in the movie, regardless of position, has a horrible nickname.  If it’s one of those nights where you’re just in the mood for a crazy ass flick, you might want to check this out.

Alex Rates This Movie 6/10

Tim Rates This Movie 5/10

“I’ve got a drug-addicted dick with a mind of its own.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue

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