Shoot ‘Em Up (w/ guest reviewer Matt Deitchley of GeneralTomfoolery.com)
Release Date: 9/7/2007 – Rated R
Starring: Clive Owen (Sin City), Paul Giamatti (Fred Claus)
Plot Summary: While waiting for a bus, a pregnant woman runs past Mr. Smith. Another man soon follows screaming about how he’s going to kill her. Smith kills the guy before he can get to the lady, who is now in labor. Smith delivers a baby boy, and is quickly diving for cover as bullets start whizzing by. Someone wants the mother and baby dead pretty badly. Smith takes them up to the roof of a building, but the mother is killed in the crossfire, so now it’s just him and junior. They jump across to the next building after Smith kills everyone except for their boss, played by Giamatti. He tries to take the kid a few places to leave it for someone else to find, as he isn’t the daddy type, but the bad guys always beat him to the punch so he is on the run again. He ends up at a brothel where he tries to leave it with a lactating whore friend of his, but she refuses. The bad guys make their way in shortly after he leaves and try to make trouble for her, but Smith returns and whisks her away. They continue to be on the run, narrowly escaping from hideout to hideout, until they take refuge in a museum, specifically inside of a damn tank. Smith goes out on his own to try and end the bad guys once and for all, to give the whore and the baby a fighting chance at survival.
Alex’s Thoughts: Where to even start… The movie isn’t bad, it’s actually really entertaining, but that is all you’re going to get out of it; and sometimes that is all you need. This isn’t one you’ll sit down with your friends and discuss later, or something you’d want to make your female significant other sit through. This is a movie by dudes for dudes. There are lots of guns, some boobs here and there and lots of explosions. So it is kind of like a Michael Bay movie, if Michael Bay made good movies. It seems like this is just another Jason Statham type movie (like Crank or The Transporter), just with someone else driving this time. Jason must have been busy waxing his head.
Tim’s Thoughts: This movie is stupid, unrealistic, over the top, cheesy, and the plot has so many holes in it, but I can’t help but love it. Clive Owen has a charm about him, and Paul Giamatti is nearly literally chewing up the scenery. Every time I watch this I find that I’m laughing out loud, and getting all excited over the ridiculous action sequences, but it never get’s boring, or confusing (like a Micheal Bay movie which is inherently all of these things). So yes I probably like this movie more than most, but it’s so much fun that I don’t care. So I say watch it if you need something light, and goofy, but also want some kick ass action.
Matt’s Thoughts: If there’s one thing I’ve always said, it’s that not enough directors utilize the ever-versatile carrot in their films. That’s not the case here. Turns out there are a lot of ways to kill a man with a carrot. So even if you don’t like this movie, you can consider it educational, in case a roving gang attacks you while you’re gardening. I enjoyed this movie, but I agree with Alex, you need to sit down, turn off your brain and prepare to celebrate ludicrous violence and one-liners about breastfeeding. It’s just a lot of mindless guy fun. If you’re in the mood for artsy-fartsy, go find a movie with an umlaut in the title. But if you like newborns dodging speeding cars and Paul Giamatti bathed in delicious smarm, you’re all set. Plus, Mr. Smith rants about people who don’t use turn signals. I can relate. Sometimes on the highway I get the urge to break out a root vegetable and watch the bodies hit the floor too.
Final Thoughts: If you want to be entertained without having to think, this might be one for you. It’s not trying to be anything other than an action movie, and it certainly succeeds at that. If you are a male between the ages of 12 and 86 you will probably enjoy this movie.
Alex Rates This Movie 7/10
Tim Rates This Movie 9/10
Matt Rates This Movie 7/10
” I don’t understand a word you’re going on about, but I know exactly what you’re saying and I refuse to apologize.”