Black Knight

Release Date: 11/21/2001 – Rated PG-13

Starring: Martin Lawrence (Bad Boys)

Plot Summary:  Jamal Walker, a black guy from deep in the streets, works at a run-down and out-dated medieval themed amusement park.  When his boss tells the staff that there is a new castle themed park opening in two weeks (there is really that much demand?), he tells her to just close up shop and retire since they will not be able to compete.  She still has hope and wants to keep her people employed and tells them to clean the place up because she is ready for a fight.  While cleaning, Jamal sees a medallion in the moat, falls in, and awakens in 14th century England.  From here on out it’s clear that if he had just drowned in the moat, it would have made for a much better movie.  He thinks he somehow got magically transported to the new Castle World park where everyone is just really into their job. 

Mistaken for a foreign messenger, he is brought before the king and his majesty is delighted and amused by his antics.  Remember he is supposedly from the ‘hood so it’s funny that he can’t ride a horse and that he choreographed a dance routine while the minstrels play some funk music; but in reality it isn’t funny at all. Seriously, it’s lame.  He teaches the locals hip street slang, like ‘booya’ and ‘in yo face’, because he is edgy.  After helping the exiled queen defeat the evil ruling king, Jamal is knighted and then awakens back in his own time where he convinces the owner, who is going to retire after saying she wanted to stay open and help her community 10 minutes earlier, that she needs to keep the place going.  The old park re-opens to much fanfare and is a great success, but somehow Jamal falls into the moat again and is transported into another zany adventure.

Alex’s Thoughts:  I cannot think of anything I have watched recently that was this awful, and we watch a lot of awful stuff for this blog.  Martin Lawrence might be the least funny comedian alive.  I have never liked him or thought he was remotely funny in any comedy in which I have seen him.  He constantly hams it up for the camera and is so dis-likeable right off the bat, you will beg for a power outage just to end this stupidity.  I get the concept for this movie, but it would be better suited as a dream sequence for a tv show, as 22 minutes is about all the story is worth, not 90 minutes.  The ‘jokes’ are old and not funny the first time they are shown, much less after the fourth or fifth time.  The set and costume designers look like they went to a lot of trouble to re-create a castle-like setting, only to have it shat on by Lawrence and his constant mugging. 

Tim’s Thoughts: UUUUUGGGGHHHH, somehow people keep wasting their hard-earned money on this crap? I blame Tyler Perry’s success on Martin Lawrence, with his horrible Big Mamma’s House franchise paving the way. Two people who I wish would just fall off the Earth or get abducted by aliens and get all Gary Busey weird so people will just start ignoring them. This is one of the worst medieval themed movies I have seen, I mean it ranks up there with First Knight. Save yourself some pain and just watch Robin Hood: Men In Tights, probably one of Mel Bro0ks’ weaker movies but still is waaaayyy funnier than this crap.

Final Thoughts: The only reason you should see this is if you’re looking for a live action role-playing costume idea, and even then as a last resort.  The movie itself is utter and complete garbage without a second of comedy, but with a full hour-and-a-half of clownish over-acting.  This piece of crap made $40 million?  Come on America, really?  Avoid it like a 12th century plague.

Alex Rates This Movie 0/10

Tim Rates This Movie 0/10

This is a hell of a setup you’ve got here. I mean, I’m not lyin’. I mean. Wooh! You got to have major coins behind this. Who’s backin you, Puffy?”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here or add it to your Netflix queue