Teeth

Release Date: 1/18/2008 – Rated R

Starring: Jess Weixler

Plot Summary: Dawn is a sweet little Christian teenager.  She and her boyfriend are abstinent, but the sexual tension between them is too strong for them to stay together; so they go their separate ways for fear of bumping uglies and making baby Jesus cry.  One day they go to the local swimming hole, just ‘as friends’.  It’s there that her boyfriend tries to rape her, but her vagina has different plans.  It bites his penis off.  IT BITES HIS PENIS OFF!  Dawn doesn’t know much about sex, but she’s pretty sure that isn’t supposed to happen.  She does some research on the interwebs and thinks she has a condition called ‘vagina dentata’ (or ‘sausage wallet teeth’ to the layperson).

She decides to go see a gyno, but he ends up being a perv and trying to molest her.  He is now short a few fingers.  She runs to her friend Ryan’s house for comfort, and comfort is what he giver her.  They have relations without any incident and all seems well.  They try to have sex again in the morning, but after learning that Ryan placed a bet on if he could rail Dawn it doesn’t end well for Ryan’s junk.

With this new-found power she decides to take out some anger on her step-brother as well, getting him into the sack for some much-needed revenge.

Alex’s Thoughts:  The movie was too slow-paced for me and would have done better as part of a film with multiple short stories.  An hour and a half for a “horror” movie is too long with only like three people getting killed, the payoff just isn’t there.  The story itself is fine, but would like to see a bit more going on with the characters or more deaths.

Tim’s Thoughts: Like the Human Centipede fiasco, I find this a great concept with poor execution. Alex is right, this movie is way too slow/long, depending on how you look at it. Similar to Dead Girl, I think that sometimes a big studio has the right idea stepping in and taking some stuff out, unfortunately they would probably only take out the good parts. This movie is OK….. it has a few funny moments and a few really stomach twisting ones as well, but overall is inconsistent and it drags. Check it out for a movie party, but don’t be shy with that fast forward button. Just ask us about “Deathbed: The bed that eats”.

Final Thoughts:  We can both agree that we pray ‘vagina dentata’ isn’t a real thing……

Alex Rates This Movie 5/10

Tim Rates This Movie 5/10

“Vagina dentata! It’s what inside’s me. The doctor said so.”

View the IMDB entry for this movie here

Advertisements